A Gentlemen’s Agreement

by Cap'n Neurotic of Crisis of Infinite Monkeys


A Gentlemen’s Agreement

“All right, Chris,” Len began tentatively, “I know you’re wondering why I asked you to come over tonight”

“Yeah, a bit,” Chris agreed warily; the day had been filled with last minute wedding arrangements, and the last minute call from Len was worrisome to say the least.

“The guys and I have been talking about some stuff, and, well, after a lot of thought, I asked Barry to draw up a prenuptial agreement.”

”You what?” Chris’s voice rose several octaves, causing Len to flinch.

“Now, I know what you’re thinking --”

"You’re crazy, is what I’m thinking; there’s no way I’m asking Sarah to sign a prenup!” Indignant, Chris turned his glare from Len to the rest of his friends who were gathered closely by, content to let Len take the brunt of Chris’s anger. “Prenups are for rich old men who are afraid their fiancé is going to turn out to be a gold-digging parasite, and I’m not about to insult Sarah like that.”

“But that’s what I’m trying to tell you,” said Len, “the prenup’s not for Sarah.”

“Huh?” Chris

“Blood and ashes, bro,” Chris’s younger brother Gary exclaimed, “if you’re dumb enough to let that girl go you deserve to lose half your stuff,”

“Then, I don’t underst—“

“It’s a prenuptial agreement between you and us,” legal eagle Barry explained.
Chris stared at his friends blankly, unable to pierce the fog that had settled on his brain.

“It’s to make sure that things don’t change between us after you get married,” Len said.
Barely aware of his repetitive responses, Chris reiterated “I don’t understand what you mean.” Gary jumped in. “Look, bro, it’s like this: we’ve seen too many guys flake out on us after they tied the knot, and we figured that we’d better make a preemptive strike before you got sucked into the same trap.”

“That’s crazy talk; you guys know that nothing’s going to change between us after Sarah and I get married.”

“Yeah, that’s what Dirk said,” Barry countered, “and then two months later he backed out of our annual skiing trip for good because the little lady didn’t want her ‘oogum-woogums to hurt his widdle heady-weddy’.”

Chris rolled his eyes at Barry’s exaggerated impression. “Sure, but Dirk was whipped before he even met Judith –“

“And then there’s Brad,” said Gary, jumping into the fray again, “who went from cussin’ like a sailor to not even being able to say ‘poop’ without looking over his shoulder.”

“Well, some would say that’s an improvement –“

“Dude, that’s not keys you hear jingle in Karen’s purse, it’s Brad’s –“

“Okay, okay, I get the idea!”

“Are you sure? Because we got a ton more examples.” Gary’s evil little grin told Chris his little brother was enjoying this far too much.

“Thanks, bratling, but I think I’ve got the gist.”

“So, you’ll sign it, then?” Len asked, pushing the document across the table.

Chris resignedly picked up the papers, deciding that reading over Barry’s handiwork would at least give him a respite from the haranguing of the others. After scanning through the legalese, he just shook his head wearily. “You guys are crazy, you know that, right?”

“Don’t act like that’s a surprise,” Barry retorted.

“And what happens if I don’t sign?” Chris queried. “I mean, it’s not like you can call off my wedding.”

“That sounds like a challenge to me . . .” quipped Gary.

“Zip it, squirt,” Len tossed back over his shoulder, before turning his attention back to Chris.


“No threats here, bud; no coercion, no duress. Sign it if you want, trash it if you don’t.”
Chris locked gazes with Len, weighing his best man’s sincerity. He finally leaned back with a sigh. “You know if you had pushed, I would have dug in my heels.”

Len smiled and shrugged.

“Oh, don’t give me that ‘aw, shucks’ routine; I’m half tempted to file thirteen this thing just for the ‘good cop/bad cop’ routine alone.”

Len’s grin widened, and Chris knew that his best friend had read him like a book as usual. No use dragging it out, he thought to himself as he grabbed the pen and signed on the dotted line.

It wasn’t until he heard Gary’s evil little laugh that he thought hit him that he probably should have read the fine print . . .