Ol' Joe Billy Bob has looked over all 'em bus'ness proposals and applications that ended up on his big ol' desk and after carefully consid'ring 'em all, well, it looks like that there mall's gonna have to be built onta! Some of the stores are asking for 5000 square foot!! Hooooodoggies!! Them's some big ol' stores, lemme tell ya!
The submitted plans are in the posts below.
AND Tate, his wife and the baby are home now and he's submitted The Words for the next challenge! Look for that post later tonight or early tomorrow.
Showing posts with label Mini-task #1. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mini-task #1. Show all posts
Thursday, May 10, 2007
The Gettin' Place
by The Shoe Diva
wedding paraphenalia,
BBQ grills,
fine BBQ accessories
Behold, our useful household appliances:
Attention: Joe Billy Bob, Redneck Hills Mall President of Operations
May 9, 2007
After careful reflection, and considerable mourning because those vermin’ stole my scotch tape idea, I present the following for your consideration:
The Gettin’ Place- A Redneck Haven where all of your redneck needs are met, and one-stop shopping for the thrifty shopper on the lookout for that special item.
The Getting’ Place is truly designed to be one-stop shopping and carries everything a red blooded redneck’s little heart could desire. With that in mind, the store is rather large, and will require at least 5,000 square feet of space. In keeping with your eco-friendly design, we propose an entirely recycled décor for our store. Untreated wood recycled from actual Appalachian barns will line both the walls and the floor. It’s a fine use of available products as well as a durable solution for the stampede of feet.
Curtains in the changing room will be hand sewn from scraps of old clothing, and all items sold will be neatly packaged in old Wal-mart shopping bags. They still have plenty of use in em’!
All products are hand crafted by artisans in the local community. We scour the countryside looking for artists with their finger on the pulse of the community, artists who know just what our shoppers are looking for.
Almost as unique as our product line are the employees we hire. Who better to serve the redneck community than fellow rednecks? Who knows the yearnings of a redneck better and who would be more familiar with their needs? We only hire from within the local community, and to provide the best skilled staff possible, we insist each and every one of them be a genuine high school graduate!
I’ve enclosed a brief catalog. Take a gander and you’ll see we’re truly a one of a kind store and a perfect fit for your mall environment.
All merchandise in The Gettin’ Place is indigenous to Redneck Hills. Each item is handcrafted by local artisans with the specific needs of the local redneck squarely in mind.
We maintain a truly unique line of seasonal items:
The one of a kind Christmas tree all-aglow with festiveness.
For the avid deer hunter feeling the Christmas spirit, this gutted deer
Truly unique Gingerbread House
Speaking of décor, we’ve got the snappiest doo-dads this side of the Mason Dixon line.
Most folks don’t know Miss Mona Lisa was a cousin of the Hatfield’s. Yessiree, a distant cousin to be sure, but a right perty one
We also carry a full line of special occasion items.
Birthday cakes,
Birth announcements
Hot tubs
wedding paraphenalia,
BBQ grills,
fine BBQ accessories
Behold, our useful household appliances:
Palm Pilots
Lawn mowers
Tape measures
Survival Kits
Pet supplies
And finally.....
Redneck Apparel
Yes, we have a complete line of redneck apparel for men and women.
Tours R Us
submitted by Lisa
Tours R Us
Come on in.
Get below ground and cool off.
Take a tour of a non-workin' lead and zinc mine.
Totally safe EPA Certified SuperFund Cleanup site awaits your visit.
Wear your hikin' boots - Hard hats provided - unless you've got your own.
Tours start purt' near every hour or as close to as we can get and start from right here in the mall.
Don't forget to visit our gift shop and tailings pile to pick up that souveneir to remember you were here.
Tours R Us
Come on in.
Get below ground and cool off.
Take a tour of a non-workin' lead and zinc mine.
Totally safe EPA Certified SuperFund Cleanup site awaits your visit.
Wear your hikin' boots - Hard hats provided - unless you've got your own.
Tours start purt' near every hour or as close to as we can get and start from right here in the mall.
Don't forget to visit our gift shop and tailings pile to pick up that souveneir to remember you were here.
Origins 'R' Us
submitted by Cap'n Neurotic
TO: Ol’ Joe Billy Bob
Redneck Hills Mall President of Operations
FROM: Cap’n Neurotic
Origins’R’Us Regional Director
RE: Space for rent
Dear sir,
In lieu of your standard “application,” please see the attached copy of our latest promotional material from our corporate offices in Wakanda. We feel that your rustic atmosphere and “green” philosophy fit well with the aesthetic sense of our other branches, housed in abandoned railway stations, ancient castles, labyrinthine caverns, and Whataburgers across the globe; we hope you agree.
ORIGINS’R’US
Paving the way for rouge justice since the dawn of the Galactic Pax Treaty
Are you tired of getting sand kicked in your face by bullies?
Are you sick of seeing the wicked profit from their misdeeds?
Are you borderline psychotic in your need to avenge your parents’ deaths but aren’t quite sure how to do it?
If you answered “yes” to any of these, then what you need is a visit to everyone’s favorite super-power emporium ORIGINS’R’US!
Yes, ORIGINS’R’US offers a wide range of materials to give every would-be crimefighter a leg up in their never-ending battle for truth, justice, and all that jazz.
Ancient words of power?
We got ‘em!
Mystical gemstones with esoteric abilities?
We got ‘em!
Radioactive isotopes and irradiated lab animals?
We got ‘em!
Implausibly powerful bits of alien technology?
We got ‘em!
And, here at ORIGINS’R’US we do more than just hand over these items of incalculable power
Our patented TARDIS technology allows our store to be infinitely larger inside than it appears from without, allowing us to house our mind-staggering amount of merchandise, as well as special genetic-mutation-inducing environments such as:
In addition, our special three-day suspended animation waiting period with full psychic scans insures that only the most stable of vengeance-hungry vigilantes are allowed to roam free with catastrophic powers at their fingertips in order to take the law into their own hands.
ORIGINS’R’US: tracking down items of earth-shattering importance and universe-shaking power so that you don’t have to.
*Actual divinity not implied
TO: Ol’ Joe Billy Bob
Redneck Hills Mall President of Operations
FROM: Cap’n Neurotic
Origins’R’Us Regional Director
RE: Space for rent
Dear sir,
In lieu of your standard “application,” please see the attached copy of our latest promotional material from our corporate offices in Wakanda. We feel that your rustic atmosphere and “green” philosophy fit well with the aesthetic sense of our other branches, housed in abandoned railway stations, ancient castles, labyrinthine caverns, and Whataburgers across the globe; we hope you agree.
ORIGINS’R’US
Paving the way for rouge justice since the dawn of the Galactic Pax Treaty
Are you tired of getting sand kicked in your face by bullies?
Are you sick of seeing the wicked profit from their misdeeds?
Are you borderline psychotic in your need to avenge your parents’ deaths but aren’t quite sure how to do it?
If you answered “yes” to any of these, then what you need is a visit to everyone’s favorite super-power emporium ORIGINS’R’US!
Yes, ORIGINS’R’US offers a wide range of materials to give every would-be crimefighter a leg up in their never-ending battle for truth, justice, and all that jazz.
Ancient words of power?
We got ‘em!
Mystical gemstones with esoteric abilities?
We got ‘em!
Radioactive isotopes and irradiated lab animals?
We got ‘em!
Implausibly powerful bits of alien technology?
We got ‘em!
And, here at ORIGINS’R’US we do more than just hand over these items of incalculable power
willy-nilly. Each member of our highly trained staff is cloned from one of our founding partners and cybernetically implanted with all the knowledge which has not been lost in the mists of time
on each of our items. These custodians of our cosmic culture will not only help you select the life-altering item which best suits your personal needs, but will give you all the assistance you need to activate and access the powers and abilities which will make you so far above us mere mortals that you are like unto a god*!
Our patented TARDIS technology allows our store to be infinitely larger inside than it appears from without, allowing us to house our mind-staggering amount of merchandise, as well as special genetic-mutation-inducing environments such as:
- Gamma testing ranges
- Particle accelerators
- Lazarus Pits
- Rifts in Time and Space
- Terrigen Mist chambers
- Symbiote breeding grounds
- And many more!
In addition, our special three-day suspended animation waiting period with full psychic scans insures that only the most stable of vengeance-hungry vigilantes are allowed to roam free with catastrophic powers at their fingertips in order to take the law into their own hands.
And be sure to visit our sister store, SPANDEX WISHES AND CAPE-&-COWL DREAMS for all of your super-hero apparel needs.
ORIGINS’R’US: tracking down items of earth-shattering importance and universe-shaking power so that you don’t have to.
*Actual divinity not implied
Beck's Tea to Dye For
By Mrs. E.
Women Have I Got A DEAL FOR YOU!!!
I recently decided to do somethin about the grey in my hair which were beginin to show along with some dark roots. So I went to the Walmarts and got what was supposed to be just one shade darker than the last time because I had gone lighter but the grey was showin way too much with that color so I had to go darker. They had a new box with new pictures and this lovely color that would make my grey disappear and my roots too. That gal on that box had used that color and it twere down right beautiful. Well I snatched that baby up and took it home just waitin' to have enough time to use it. This weekend the time were right.
So I did just what it said except I didn't do a color test because heck I'd used this brand for many years and had never had no reaction or nothin just beautiful hair color. Imagine my surprise when I looked in the mirror as I was a dryin my curly locks and noticed the color was redder than the box showed. Matter of fact my hair was orangish. It twere Whore red!!!
Now I got a neice and she gots pretty red hair. Her daughters gots pretty red hair. Their hair is prettier than anything you'll ever see on a box of hair color. Mine was not that color. I don't usually get too bent out of shape over hair color. I mean I've been doing it so long that I have had a few times when the color weren't quite what I had hoped for. Why I've had my hair have geenish tints to it where it kind of glowed like them glow sticks you can get for Halloween so as to see better in the dark but never, never, never, ever have I seen my hair look this bad. I panicked.
I called my friend who later told me that the sound of my voice really had her scared. She thought there was some major disaster. She thought she was a gonna haft to get into her car and drive half way across town just to rescue me from whatever fiend was a tormentin me. When she heard it were just my hair, she tried to reasure me but I was havin' none of that. Bein the good friend that she is, she called her sister who called a friend who wasn't home and I still was freakin out. I washed my hair twice while I was waitin for her call back.
\u003cdiv\> \u003c/div\> \u003cdiv\>Any way she called the girl who does our hair who by the way was in St. Louis at a hair show. This darlin girl called me all the way from St Louis and then went to talk to all those high falootin hair people at the hair show. She called back with a solution. I was willin' to try just about anythin and heck them hair people in St. Louis surely knew somethin about fixin bad hair dolor. So I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, stuffed\n it under a ball cap of Duane's so that none of it was a showin and headed for the Walmarts to see if I could find a remedy.
Well, I had to get something that had Ash in it. I thought I had already made an "ASH" of myself but I was willin to try anything. Whore Red!!! Horrid Whore Red!!! Well, it worked. I still have reddish tints but the color does look more natural and I can go out in public again.
At school on Monday nobody even noticed or at least they never said nothin.
So I said all of that to tell you about a new store that I am openin for women only. Its gonna be a hair colorin place. Now I know they already have these things I've been there but dang those gals charge out the wazoo. I'm thinkin it would just be a place where women could sit around discussin whatever came to mind and then when someone needed a\n hair colorin done we could all look her over real good and then as a committee pick out the right color. We could help one another get it on right. You know like only coverin the roots for awhile and then spreadin it out thru the rest of the hair. We could help time one another and cheer each other on. Heck we'd only have to charge a dollor or two more than what it cost at the Walmarts.
We'd have to call it somethin that don't sound like no beauty shop stuff 'cause you gots to have a license to call it that. I was thinkin of pretendin the shoppe were a fancy tea type place. We'd have a code we used. You'd order green tea and that would be the ash colors. You'd order tomato juice or red soda pop for the redder colors or lemonade for the blonde.
I gots a plan here. I'm workin on a name. We'd have to be exclusive. None of them funny boys a hangin around. I'm thinkin of callin it Beck's Tea to Dye For!!!!! Snappy! Huh!!
Look for it the next time you head out to cruise main street. This is an idee that is way past due. We'll be a lookin for you and have the teapot ready to boil unless your in the mood for some red soda or some lemonade.
Women Have I Got A DEAL FOR YOU!!!
I recently decided to do somethin about the grey in my hair which were beginin to show along with some dark roots. So I went to the Walmarts and got what was supposed to be just one shade darker than the last time because I had gone lighter but the grey was showin way too much with that color so I had to go darker. They had a new box with new pictures and this lovely color that would make my grey disappear and my roots too. That gal on that box had used that color and it twere down right beautiful. Well I snatched that baby up and took it home just waitin' to have enough time to use it. This weekend the time were right.
So I did just what it said except I didn't do a color test because heck I'd used this brand for many years and had never had no reaction or nothin just beautiful hair color. Imagine my surprise when I looked in the mirror as I was a dryin my curly locks and noticed the color was redder than the box showed. Matter of fact my hair was orangish. It twere Whore red!!!
Now I got a neice and she gots pretty red hair. Her daughters gots pretty red hair. Their hair is prettier than anything you'll ever see on a box of hair color. Mine was not that color. I don't usually get too bent out of shape over hair color. I mean I've been doing it so long that I have had a few times when the color weren't quite what I had hoped for. Why I've had my hair have geenish tints to it where it kind of glowed like them glow sticks you can get for Halloween so as to see better in the dark but never, never, never, ever have I seen my hair look this bad. I panicked.
I called my friend who later told me that the sound of my voice really had her scared. She thought there was some major disaster. She thought she was a gonna haft to get into her car and drive half way across town just to rescue me from whatever fiend was a tormentin me. When she heard it were just my hair, she tried to reasure me but I was havin' none of that. Bein the good friend that she is, she called her sister who called a friend who wasn't home and I still was freakin out. I washed my hair twice while I was waitin for her call back.
\u003cdiv\> \u003c/div\> \u003cdiv\>Any way she called the girl who does our hair who by the way was in St. Louis at a hair show. This darlin girl called me all the way from St Louis and then went to talk to all those high falootin hair people at the hair show. She called back with a solution. I was willin' to try just about anythin and heck them hair people in St. Louis surely knew somethin about fixin bad hair dolor. So I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, stuffed\n it under a ball cap of Duane's so that none of it was a showin and headed for the Walmarts to see if I could find a remedy.
Well, I had to get something that had Ash in it. I thought I had already made an "ASH" of myself but I was willin to try anything. Whore Red!!! Horrid Whore Red!!! Well, it worked. I still have reddish tints but the color does look more natural and I can go out in public again.
At school on Monday nobody even noticed or at least they never said nothin.
So I said all of that to tell you about a new store that I am openin for women only. Its gonna be a hair colorin place. Now I know they already have these things I've been there but dang those gals charge out the wazoo. I'm thinkin it would just be a place where women could sit around discussin whatever came to mind and then when someone needed a\n hair colorin done we could all look her over real good and then as a committee pick out the right color. We could help one another get it on right. You know like only coverin the roots for awhile and then spreadin it out thru the rest of the hair. We could help time one another and cheer each other on. Heck we'd only have to charge a dollor or two more than what it cost at the Walmarts.
We'd have to call it somethin that don't sound like no beauty shop stuff 'cause you gots to have a license to call it that. I was thinkin of pretendin the shoppe were a fancy tea type place. We'd have a code we used. You'd order green tea and that would be the ash colors. You'd order tomato juice or red soda pop for the redder colors or lemonade for the blonde.
I gots a plan here. I'm workin on a name. We'd have to be exclusive. None of them funny boys a hangin around. I'm thinkin of callin it Beck's Tea to Dye For!!!!! Snappy! Huh!!
Look for it the next time you head out to cruise main street. This is an idee that is way past due. We'll be a lookin for you and have the teapot ready to boil unless your in the mood for some red soda or some lemonade.
Cazzie's Hats for You
submitted by Cazzie!!!
To Ole' Joe Billy Bob (POA),
My name is Cazzie, I am the proud proprieter of "Cazzie's Hats For You". I am writing of my intention to market my wonderful hats in your Mall. Proposal is as follows: My store needs to be large, 800 square metres of floor space to be exact. My products are displayed in a manner to which no other hat store can top..pardon the punn. One quarter of the floor space will camoflage. Complete with metal shelving and netting from the roof. All types of military hats will be on display here Two of my ex Navy Service people to assist in getting the fitting to the customer's mug..sorry, head, correct.
The next quarter of the store will be set up in a Horse Carnival Scene, complete with statues of horses and models wearing race day gear and my brand of headwear designed for comfort for the race goer. Of couse, if people want to buy a hat for their loved one, or someone who lives abroad, this can be arranged. The sales staff in the Carnival area will be wearing the finest race wear and of course, our very own hats.
The last half, the front half of the store, will be adorned with tuelle and lace and organza. No shelves here but there will be lovely golden hat stands displaying some of the finest head wear going. Staff in this area will be some of the top models from around the Globe, a sure attraction to your Mall. This will be a shop that will attract all the best customers who will just want to go on spending at the other stores your Mall has to offer. At Cazzie's Hats For You, the customer comes first.
To Ole' Joe Billy Bob (POA),
My name is Cazzie, I am the proud proprieter of "Cazzie's Hats For You". I am writing of my intention to market my wonderful hats in your Mall. Proposal is as follows: My store needs to be large, 800 square metres of floor space to be exact. My products are displayed in a manner to which no other hat store can top..pardon the punn. One quarter of the floor space will camoflage. Complete with metal shelving and netting from the roof. All types of military hats will be on display here Two of my ex Navy Service people to assist in getting the fitting to the customer's mug..sorry, head, correct.
The next quarter of the store will be set up in a Horse Carnival Scene, complete with statues of horses and models wearing race day gear and my brand of headwear designed for comfort for the race goer. Of couse, if people want to buy a hat for their loved one, or someone who lives abroad, this can be arranged. The sales staff in the Carnival area will be wearing the finest race wear and of course, our very own hats.
The last half, the front half of the store, will be adorned with tuelle and lace and organza. No shelves here but there will be lovely golden hat stands displaying some of the finest head wear going. Staff in this area will be some of the top models from around the Globe, a sure attraction to your Mall. This will be a shop that will attract all the best customers who will just want to go on spending at the other stores your Mall has to offer. At Cazzie's Hats For You, the customer comes first.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
And away we go!
That Hillbilly Mom is so durn creative she should be a teacher! After my last post asking for suggestions about a mini-task to complete while we wait on Bubblegum Tate, (And trust me, we are not complaining, dude. Take your time.) she promptly sent me an email just chock full of ideas! I'm telling you, she should teach.
So without further ado, I am announcing Mini-Task #1!
--------------------------------------
Welcome to Redneck Hills Mall! Nestled deep in the flat hills of northeastern Oklahoma, Redneck Hills Mall offers shopping for every taste. Come on in and browse our un-airconditioned shopping haven. Oh, don't worry - the lack of air conditioning isn't a big deal. We've got lots of stand fans and box fans stuck in the windows. Plus, when we have them in stock, we hand out those Jesus fans at the door. (You know, the ones on a popsicle stick.) The floors are luxurious hardwood - if you interpret "hardwood" as 1/2" plywood - and the skylights offer you to see nature in all of its uninhibited beauty because well, there's no glass in them. We do have one of the most comfortable restrooms in the area, according to most rednecks who shop here. Well, just have a look-see for yourself:
The carousel in the entrance is a favorite of the young'uns who come to Redneck Hills Mall. Ordinary horses aren't good enough for us high-falootin' shoppers - we have mules, deer and a few large dogs. The kiddies just go berzerk to ride the thirty-point buck.
The parking lot is large and again, we've kept the nature-lover in mind by leaving weeds and brush in their natural state. We try to be a "green" mall when we can. By "green" we mean "we don't mow."
We have many stores here at Redneck Hills Mall. The Scotch Tape Store and The All Applesauce Store are two area favorites. The Quirky Maladjusted Borderline Sociopath Store went out of business last year because the proprietor kept refusing to open for business and when people would peek in the window he would throw tennis balls at them. But that was one isolated incident and the screening process is a little more stringent now. We do have openings for a stores and are accepting applications and business plans now.
Apply today. Applications will be accepted through Wednesday, May 9th, so don't delay!
In your application/business plan, you need to describe the products sold in your store, how the store is laid out, what kind of employees you will hire to run the store, basic decor, etc. Include pictures, if possible. Be creative because Ol' Joe Billy Bob, Redneck Hills Mall President of Operations, while he can't read past about a first grade level, does like to listen to a creative tale written by prospective proprietors in his mall. If you get a knee-slap outta Ol' Joe Billy Bob, you are in for sure!
Send applications to: theredneckdiva@gmail.com
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