College Days

by Redneck Diva

“Dude, you are so stupid!” she screamed at the Polo shirt-clad college boy standing in front of her. She was on her tip toes and in his face in the worst way. He looked like he wanted to fall into the nearest hole in the ground. She looked like she wanted to bury him in that hole.

“Hey, now,” he calmly replied, putting his hands up defensively in front of his chest. He wasn’t sure how the situation ended up like this and he wanted out of it quickly. He’d talk to her calmly if he could just get the pugnacious little shrew to quit screaming at him. He was trying to keep his cool and not exacerbate the situation, but she wasn’t taking any breaths to allow him to get a word in edgewise. The things I get myself into, he thought as he rolled his eyes.

She hadn’t had an angry outburst like this in a long time and it felt pretty good. Her workout schedule didn’t allow for a lot of time with a punching target at the gym to blow off some steam, so screaming at a frat boy on the quad would have to suffice for now.

While she continued her loud rant, he noted her overall appearance. She wore old army fatigue pants that looked like they dated back to the Viet Nam War. Her ponytail was loose at the nape of her neck and the untamable curls were slipping out with every angry shake of her head. Her backpack was OD green, as well, with angry words and byzantine artwork inked all over it. At first glance one automatically pegged her as either a hippie wanna-be, a poor girl on scholarship or a rich girl rebelling and playing scofflaw while mommy and daddy wrote a hefty check each and every month to pay for her unwanted higher education.

She wasn’t any of those things. She had a scholarship of sorts, alright, but she wasn’t poor; she was smart. She had been the most erudite homecoming queen her high school had ever seen. She also was currently working nights as a motel clerk where she was becoming quite acquainted with the hundreds of John Smith’s that checked in with women that were clearly not their wives. Mommy and Daddy didn’t write a check every month because they were too busy trying to convince her that college was just another way she’d end up controlled by some government entity. Hippies (and not the wanna-be kind) and amateur conspiracy theorists were what her parents were. She was just biding her time, but they didn’t know that.

She was still screaming at him when, before she realized what was happening, he grabbed her upper arms, dipped her and kissed her hard on the mouth. She immediately tensed up and the lower parts of her arms that weren’t restrained began flailing in a feeble attempt to make him stop. The crowd that had gathered around them immediately sent up a loud “Oooooooh” and she blushed deeper while his lips were still pressed against hers. When she finally quit trying to smack him senseless - rather ineffectively - he leaned back up, pulled away from her and let go.
“What the HELL was that all about?” she said loudly, but not at the screaming pitch she had been at before the kiss.

“It was the only way I could get you to shut up,” he stated matter-of-factly, hoping he sounded more confident than he actually felt.

“Holy shit, have you been reading Harlequin Romances? Because that sounds exactly like a stupid stunt some muscle-bound hero would pull on the unsuspecting heroine.” And as she spoke she clasped her hands at her chest and batted her eyes. This caused the crowd to chuckle and he looked nervously at the circle of people who had become their impromptu audience.

“Would you please just let me take you somewhere not in the middle of a circle of gawking coeds and we can talk about this?”

“No.”

“Why not? I’m really not enjoying being on stage here…..uh, Ary, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s Ary,” she spat, “and we have been in the same PoliSci class for the entire semester AND have been in two discussion groups together. I’m hurt you don’t remember my name,” she said with feigned disappointment, then added venomously, “I’m fairly certain that you remember the tall blonde’s name without having to add ‘Isn’t it?’ afterwards. What’s her name? Ashley? Jennifer? Or is it Muffy? That kind of bimbo always has stupid names.”

Another “Ooooooh” from the crowd.

“And furthermore, I don’t care what you enjoy or you don’t. I’m prepared to discuss this with you all damn day if that’s what it takes.” She crossed her arms across her chest and widened her stance. She was barely five feet tall and knew she didn’t have a commanding presence. She hoped she was pulling this off effectively.

He grabbed her by the upper arms again and she turned her head to the side in anticipation of avoiding another kiss, but instead of kissing her he turned her around and pushed her ahead of him and led her out of the circle of voyeurs. As they parted the crowd, the other students began to clap. She ducked her head in an expression of annoyance, not embarrassment as he insisted on leading her further.

Once they were quite a distance away, well out of earshot from anyone, he let go of her arms, but not before he spun her roughly around to face him again. He dropped his arms and with a sigh said, “There.”

“You ASShole!” she blurted and hit him in the chest with both fists. “What’s the big idea KISSING me in front of all – those – people?” The last three words were punctuated with more punches to the chest. He was just glad she was small and hadn’t had time to go to the gym much. He’d have bruises tomorrow, regardless.

“Agent Sin- Ary. Really. Let me explain.”

“Yes, please. Explain your ineffable and embarrassing shenanigans. Please. Because I’m just dying to hear it.”

“Dying is almost what you did, Agent Singleton,” he said as he moved closer to her and pushed a stray curl behind her ear. “Just as you went into your tirade about ‘ineffective collegiate hogwash’ – which was an interesting choice of words, by the way - and really got yourself wound up nicely, our mark showed up. He had his gun trained on you. I saw him across the quad, but no one else did. If I hadn’t been looking for him, I wouldn’t have seen him either. I didn’t want to see your pretty head splattered on the daffodils underfoot. So I kissed you. I hope I didn’t really make you mad. I’m sorry if I did.” He looked down at his feet, then looked back up at her and grinned.

Unfazed she said, “Shit. I’ve got an Algebra test at 3 – think we’ll be done?” she asked as she pulled her errant ponytail back into submission.

“Should. He’s allergic to peanuts. Shouldn’t take long for the anaphylactic shock to take care of him. You won’t miss your test.”

“Cool.” She adjusted her backpack and reached up to kiss him softly on the cheek.

“Please promise me you’ll kiss me better than that soon, okay?”

“You got it, Agent Singleton. You got it.”