Write in the Thick of It: The Gettin' Place

Attention: Joe Billy Bob, Redneck Hills Mall President of Operations

May 9, 2007

After careful reflection, and considerable mourning because those vermin’ stole my scotch tape idea, I present the following for your consideration:

The Gettin’ Place- A Redneck Haven where all of your redneck needs are met, and one-stop shopping for the thrifty shopper on the lookout for that special item.

The Getting’ Place is truly designed to be one-stop shopping and carries everything a red blooded redneck’s little heart could desire. With that in mind, the store is rather large, and will require at least 5,000 square feet of space. In keeping with your eco-friendly design, we propose an entirely recycled décor for our store. Untreated wood recycled from actual Appalachian barns will line both the walls and the floor. It’s a fine use of available products as well as a durable solution for the stampede of feet.

Curtains in the changing room will be hand sewn from scraps of old clothing, and all items sold will be neatly packaged in old Wal-mart shopping bags. They still have plenty of use in em’!
All products are hand crafted by artisans in the local community. We scour the countryside looking for artists with their finger on the pulse of the community, artists who know just what our shoppers are looking for.

Almost as unique as our product line are the employees we hire. Who better to serve the redneck community than fellow rednecks? Who knows the yearnings of a redneck better and who would be more familiar with their needs? We only hire from within the local community, and to provide the best skilled staff possible, we insist each and every one of them be a genuine high school graduate!

I’ve enclosed a brief catalog. Take a gander and you’ll see we’re truly a one of a kind store and a perfect fit for your mall environment.

All merchandise in The Gettin’ Place is indigenous to Redneck Hills. Each item is handcrafted by local artisans with the specific needs of the local redneck squarely in mind.

We maintain a truly unique line of seasonal items:

The one of a kind Christmas tree all-aglow with festiveness.

For the avid deer hunter feeling the Christmas spirit, this gutted deer

Truly unique Gingerbread House

Speaking of décor, we’ve got the snappiest doo-dads this side of the Mason Dixon line.