Vibrator Hotel, No Batteries Included.

by Cazzie!!!

Genre: Soap Opera
Pop Culture: E.T., Brangelina, Princess Diana

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SCENE 1: Brad enters hotel foyer, dressed in a pin striped suit, complete with top hat and spats shoes. He has a rolled up newspaper under his left arm. Peering around the foyer, Brad steps up to the front counter.
Brad says in a whisper "Why, hello there. I have a reservation to see the Sexologist Miss Selina at 1400hours".

Desk attendant: "Why yes sir, right this way" She rings a small bell, the consierge comes out of a small room to the side of the desk. He hurriedly walks Brad to an elevator. The door opens, and a person steps out. Brad and the consierge enter the lift, second floor is selected as destination.

Stepping out of the lift they make a right hand turn down a small hall and knock on the large pink door. Consierge nods and leaves Brad alone.

Miss Selina: "Enter!" Is the command.
Brad, "Why hello Miss Selina"
Miss S: "Where is Angelina today? Is she not coming, it is not like you to go anywhere alone...Brangelina "
Brad: Well even love birds have to have time apart"
Miss S, "So, you are both having a hard time again? Tell me more"

Brad takes a seat on the sofa, Miss S sits to his right.
Brad: "Do you believe in destiny Miss S?
What if Brangelina was never meant to be?
Look at Princess Diana, her and Dodi, they never had a chance.
What if we don't stay together, will we ever know what we may miss out on?"
Miss S: "Only time can tell the tale. Unless you want to stop time itself, as if having been given a tranquiliser of some sort....time, standing still..." Miss S, starts to unbutton Brad's shirt. He does not resist. Miss S moves to Brad left and pulls him up off the sofa by his forearms.

They stare into each other's eyes....SCENE PAUSED HERE...

SCENE TWO: in the hotel kitchen, the head chef, wearing his white tall hat and chef checkered pants with white buttoned top is busy preparing for a banquet in the restaurant.

Head Chef: "Look, all my assistants have called in sick..what am I to do? How am I to cater for all these people in this short space of time before the restaurant opens? We may have to just go to Subway and order rolls for everyone to eat tonight!!"

Hotel Manager: "I have got some agency assistant chef's coming in. One of them used to work in the kitchens of some of the biggest chains of restaurant in the World..he is reportedly very accomplished"

Head Chef: "What..he worked for McDonald's or something? Gimme a break!"

Manager:"I will do my best. But, in retrospect, I can safely say the agency I called have such good repute, they will surely come through to help us out in our time of need here".

A clumsy waitress drops a whole tray of whole fish, it slops on the floor at the feet of the head chef and the hotel manager. She bends over to pick up the mess, as she bends, everyone can see she has a pattern of ET The Extra Terrestrial on her undergarment...it causes everyone to laugh, lightening the mood in the kitchen.

SCENE 3: Out at the pool there is a small gathering of elderly citizens. They are playing a game of cards, sipping pina coladas and smoking Havana Cigars.

Bob: "Say, Harry, get a load of the young birds coming out of the hotel for a swim over there"

Harry:"Oh, come on Bob, look the other way, you know they are out of our league. I mean, look at us."

Bob:"Speak for yourself old timer, I am going to get me some whoopee before the end of this vacation, and I am not talking about sitting on a cushion that just makes fart sounds..get my drift"(winking and waving his havanna around in the air"

Harry, "Well, it might be nice for you to reminisce about our younger playboy days Bob, but I got other things I want to do in the next few days"

Bob: "That's a full hand I got there..you are out mate" Bob slaps the cards down on the table, looks at the young girls in the pool, gets up and does a bomb into the pool. The young girls yell at him for wetting their hair, and they get out of the pool and go back into the hotel.

Harry laughs so hard he collapses.... an ambulance is called via a poolside phone.....

SCENE 4: Inside the recreation room there is a gathering of ladies, they are dressed in after 5 clothing, having their make up applied for a photo shoot for Little Ladies Magazine.

Florence: "I just love the feel of this silk dress, it makes me feel so fem-i-nine and all"

Stella: "Well, it would never compare to the feel of this velvet chemise Flo...so warm and soft".

Tilly: "You ladies know that Brangelina are staying here in our midst at the Vibrator Hotel don't you?"

Gasps heard all round.

Florence:"Well, I know where Brad is, but I do not know where Angelina is...I saw him enter the room of the sexologist Miss Selina"

Gasps all around again.

The waitress with the ET undergarments appears, she smells of the fish from the kitchen, this causes the ladies to vacate the room.

SCENE 5: The ballroom of the Hotel is where the next scene takes place.

Opening scene, Shot of the Enlightnment Ballroom sign on the double breasted door.

A waiter walks through the double doors, cameras take shot of the expanse of the room.

The ball gets underway.

Bob and Harry share a table with the ladies from the magazine shoot.

Brad and Angelina sit with Miss Selina.... Miss Selina stands up and profess out loud to everyone in the ballroom that she is in love with Brad and is having his baby. Angelina faints to the ground. Brad storms out of the room and Miss Selina is left looking silly at the camera until next Friday's episode...